Friday, 19 November 2010 I have to post...

Katelyn just LOVES her time in front of the mirror before bathtime. It started because we just pop her on the floor while we running the bath...then she realised she's in front of a mirror, what fun (hmm...taking after her father and her uncle !)

pure excitement (if only i could post her sound effects)

smiling at myself

i'm so chuffed with myself....

looking at mommy

Meeting the moms, racing towards 8months, sleep training...hmmm...

Things are going I'm sitting down hoping that this time will help me get my mind all together again!

Had a 'meet some more moms' time yesterday at Chere Botha. There were two other moms with twins and down syndrome baba's, and another mom who's son has another rare syndrome. Amazing how such different people all walk on the same journey - yet our journeys are all so different. One mom: IVF babies, twins, one downs, had a suspicion but didnt do any amnio etc because didnt want to and the risk was so high of something going wrong. Miracle that her babies stayed in until 34 weeks...waters 'grew', vsd closed itself in the womb - awesome testimony. Her 'big' one, 10 months, 11kg's...SOOOOOOO much bigger than Katelyn its actually hilarious. They have two other friends with Down Syndrome kids. Then little Coco, also a twin, has an older brother who's 5. She really is a sweet little thing, and her sister is soooo intense in comparison. Born both under 2kg's, but doing well. They are 4 months now, and they only found out at 3months, after the moms friends child was also diagnosed late and she recognised the signs (they did know that the one little one was a bit different in the womb as she had stopped growing at a stage). Just amazing how different yet the same their journeys have been. Makes me feel a little more isolated, how we are so much more in a 'normal' world than these others...and even with so few little baba's around us, it makes it really hard.

We're having to do sleep training. Been working out in my mind what our approach is going to be, but because I'm not exactly sure how to tackle it from a weight/age appropriate/day time side, I think we're going to have to use someone. Katelyn's started waking up quite a bit at night, and her morning wakeups are getting earlier and earlier...NOT what we were hoping for. So, yip, its time. To get it right, to get a proper routine in place before we head away to Knysna where it'll probably go completely chaotic all over again. Especially sleeping in the room with us, now thats going to be an adjustment! Anyway...i'll update this as we go along the journey. I've already made her room pitch black, which has improved her crying spells in the day...right now, for this first morning sleep she only cried for 10minutes. Lets hope that improves...sleep associations...i gotta work on that!

We are racing towards 8months old. I honestly cannot believe it. From 6 to 8 months time has gone quickly. Before that, it seemed sooooo slow. I guess now i know how other moms experience it, where all of a sudden its 4 months gone and you're heading back to work (or 6 or 8 for those lucky moms). Me on the other hand, I'm not sure. I can totally imagine doing a bit of work. I am helping Simon out quite a lot actually, especially just being a sounding board all day, but it needs to become more formal so that there's some tangible fruit from my assistance! I really want to be as unattached as possible until Katelyns next heart surgery is over, just a few more months to go. Then we'll see what happens.

December rush is upon us, we trying to be as good as possible in not over-committing because its so exhausting having later nights, longer days, rushing round during the day....and its so unsettling for Katelyn. So not great for her at all. Gotta try get her relatively settled before we upheave her to knysna! Hopefully this time next year it wouldnt even be a consideration that she'll happily cruise off to Knysna and sleep well! The joys of baby days...

Sunday, 7 November 2010

Seven...almost eight months

Almost eight months...can't believe it. She's such a sweetie...hard work, but such a sweetie. Having a guilty week of how little I do with I should be doing so much with her, as it can only help her, but find it so hard to find the time, or when I do have abit of time, to actually take it by sitting down with her and playing with her  - and not dumping her next to me on the floor while I get on with something or try connect with some people.

Katelyn...I'm trying to use her name more, as she needs to learn to respond to it. It is going to take a while to get to that, so we're trying to be consistent in only calling her by her name and no other baby nicknames (for any parent, i bet you can agree on how hard that must be!!).

We had a good physio session this week, she's very happy again with her strength. We're working on a bunch of things..but one thing i found interesting is the learning and starting to put pressure on her arms / hands. So did all sorts of interesting things in how to do that and integrate that into playtime (note to self: more things to do with her when I actually commit to some time with her!).

Busy time of year ahead of us, trying to keep our diaries relatively 'free'...which means just not trying to squeeze in too many things in one day...its hard! the downhill road till christmas break...Simons ready to go away now...but just a few more weeks of hard work...then a good break :)

Sometimes its hard to focus on the sun...

Some days, eventhough the sun is there, its so hard not to also see the clouds. I try my hardest, say so many prayers, but sometimes its just hard. Hard.

I trust Gods journey though, in amongst all the good and bad days, all the strange small emotions, I know that He has a plan far beyond and far above anything we can imagine. So i choose to trust Him. It doesn't take those hard days away, but gives me peace to hold onto in those days.

I'm finding the small things hard. Noticing small little things around me and how different it is, hard it is, how she isnt like that, how it won't be like that for us...all sorts of things. Those things are going to face us, and are going to come up, I adore Katelyn so much that of course I wouldn't change who she is for the world...but sometimes I feel that I'm not going to have the strength to deal with those things when they come, or now. Then I remind myself that I'm not on the journey alone. Even when I feel alone.