Sometimes I feel like I'm still at step one of processing the past 12 months. Experiencing such a sadness lately of all the things I never had, or won't ever have - how those things are gone and won't come back. I just can't quite shake the sadness of it. That those carefree days (tiring,hard and all those things I know) of feeding,sleeping,settling etc etc just never stopped on our doorstep,that there was always a cloud hanging over our heads (weight-gain,how much I expressed,how long she fed,did she take any boob?,feeds taking 1.5hrs etc etc).
Its a hard journey when you have so much more to deal with and then you faced with these emotions that creep up.
So, in the midst of all the heartache,all I can do, is trust God.
1 Cor 1:8/9 - He will keep you strong to the end, will keep you blameless till the last day. God is faithful.