I'm not sure whether it is,or whether its not. But thursday will officially be a year since our lives changed,or should I say,what we thought for our lives,took a major change. So I'm trying to work out whether its a big day, or whether I'm being too *i don't have the word for it*.
But it really has been a hard year,in so many ways,now I'm just kinda numb and so used to the challenges that it almost feels normal (which obviously is the idea and probably a good thing). When I see other people go through the phases we've gone through,or just ahead,I realise how different this journey has been for us.
I'll never have that first child, holding her, breastfeeding her, special bonding time in hospital - and I do wonder if next time round, how hard its going to be with old memories,but trusting God on that one that I'll be free of that and able to be there fully. But I can't think of all those things that I won't have or didn't have, because there are lots, but I also had my own set of experiences and I guess that's what I need to remember. But that's whole separate thought on its own.
Simon is literally so ready for holiday I've never seen him like this. Its killing him that we're not yet ready to go. When we chatted about it, I was asking him howcome he is so desperate for holiday. He just said he really needs to get out of Cape Town, then I realise how its all just been too much and we probably just want to escape it all.
So here's to a final week of closing up this year, so we can come back and think of the year to come and not dwell on the past. It'll have its own set of challenges,but I'm so ready to attempt to move on.
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!