Today a year ago I stumbled into the scan with a million thoughts on my mind - only for all of those to be shattered into pieces. They were of work,holidays,christmas,baby,renovations... and here I am, exactly a year later, with all my thoughts a few days ago suddenly put on hold-lying in hospital waiting for Katelyn to get better from her chest infection.
What a year.
So many incredibly hard times,times that no-one understands. Even Simon and I experience different thoughts, so we only understand each other to a certain extent too (of course very similar). Its always those quiet hidden expectations that are the hardest ones to deal with - so many of those I'm still trying to deal with. And unfortunately, because this infection came at such a bad time (yes of course l expected my week to play out as I wanted it to) ... It really brings me back to such a hard place.
All I know is God is faithful. Whatever that means now to us,where-ever we at, I never doubt that...I just need to continually remind myself of it.
So I think today must be about the positives, its easy to get caught in the negatives so I must try pull myself up,or ask God to.
- I do have a beautiful little girl whom I love so much.
- I do have an incredible husband whom I miss every second we're apart, who supports me, loves me, encourages me, is strong when I'm weak, is a wonderful father, my best friend and simply the nicest guy on the planet.
- I have learnt and am still discovering about Gods way, Gods plans
- I'm going to have a different journey, and I want to learn to embrace that
- Even when its hard with 'perfect' situations around us, I want to learn to never look at it from a perspective of 'what I never had'
- there's definitely more,but for now these are my thoughts,I'm sure today will see another post