One Year Ago

Dear Katelyn,

One year ago, I left you in the doctors arms and had to walk away from a hysterical you. The next time I saw you, machines were keeping you alive. A year later, we're one heart operation down and hopefully just one more to go.

On that hospital bed, 3 months old, 4.2kg's...today, you're busting through at 8.1kg's-you go girl! You've muscled up-sitting so beautifully, getting so good at sign language, you love people and your smile and excitement is contagious and you're just an incredible delight to your Daddy and I and many others.

So, as I think back to this significant time a year ago, its hard to forget sitting in ICU and the ward with you and to not to dread the operation that lies ahead but I can't ignore where we are now, praise God for it and we commend you. You're an incredible fighter, things don't come easily to you, you have been through so much and very rarely complain - you just carry on surprising me...everyday.

I know that God has His perfect timing for your next operation, so until then...enjoy those vanilla milkshakes that help you get fat [ cos promoting getting fat won't last forever - and it's costing me a fortune :) ], and here's to getting closer to crawling, signing and so much more!

I love you, 
Mom

Tonsillitis, German Measles...next?

What a week...

...rewind...

Dad had just started getting better (after 3weeks) towards the end of last week. Then mom felt something coming on, by saturday night Daughters temperature was high, sunday night even higher...doctor on monday = Tonsillitis - antibiotic required.

Mom coughs all night. Tuesday,Dad moves to spare room for the week. By wednesday evening,a rash appears on Daughter's stomach-doc not worried, Thursday she's miserable the entire day, Friday doc diagnoses-German Measles.

So, a weekend in for us.

Poor little body!! She's still so cute though!

I will crawl

Starting to get used to what being on all fours feels like...a long way to go, but so much progress already made!

The first step is the challenge

Simon's grandfather passed away on the 18 May 2011. 9 days later, his courageous wife followed him. 2 grandparents lost in such a short space of time. Its been tough and my incredible husband's world has changed.

I'm so grateful for having had the opportunity to assist the family in helping arrange events,etc. Without that, I don't believe I would have spent nearly as much time thinking and mulling over whats happened, who they were, what now and whats important.

I've been thinking - very muddled thoughts - about how life is about God, family, people, going beyond your world and getting out into the world of others. They were involved - in society, people's lives and incredibly devoted to family. I have so much more I could say about them...but don't want to write 5 pages!

Once everything had settled and all the memorials were done, I was looking forward to some timeout. Selfish timeout. Ironic after what I've just said, I know. Then I went to church...

and again...

Reminded of how life is about God, people, getting involved in the world...all together, not in separate boxes.

With all this at the back of my mind, Katelyn got sick. Fevers, drugs, appointments, urine bags, medicine...all thrown into the mix in my head. 

So, as the next thing is thrown into the mix, its so easy to get distracted. Either get so absorbed into my world, sort my world out, stay in my world, get ontop of everything...OR...to do the best I can to keep my world orderly while allowing God to change me and open my eyes to the opportunities to do life His way. 

Easier said than done.

Now its about taking the step beyond whats comfortable and living out those convictions...

Signing...I know she can

Some days I feel like the past 5.5 months of signing has just not been worth it. When everyday you are trying your best to sign the few words that we have signs for, daily, for months...and STILL no response...it’s so easy to become despondent.

I believe in it very strongly, and I so look forward to the day when I can communicate with my child before she can communicate verbally. At least she **will be able** to tell me when she’s hungry, thirsty, tired etc. That’s what I hold on to.

She isn’t signing yet. BUT I have faith it will come soon. Firstly, because she’s clapping and waving and is starting to comprehend her hands and what she can do with them, and how she can copy people. It’s a good start. But secondly, on two very very random occasions in the past few weeks, we’ve seen her pat her tummy a while after one of us have been saying ‘mommy’ (and the mommy sign is a pat on your chest) – I’ll take the tummy as chest any day J  I know she’s beginning to absorb so much more. Whether its related or not, the fact that I’ve seen her pat her tummy makes me know she’s at least getting another action in!

For those of you who’ve been there, I think you’ll understand the incredible reward it is when your child starts to sign. I’m only beginning to feel the reward…and although I don’t feel it fully yet at all…just the hope and faith fills my heart! I can’t wait for her to sign mommy – even if its daddy ;) and even if that’s the only one she signs for months!

Heading into the potential space of a looming operation, I want to step out in faith and pray that she’s able to sign the basics before operation time (still no news on that – besides a checkup in August). It will be wonderful if she can at least sign thirsty / tired / hungry while in hospital. Though I hope that it doesn’t all disappear from her memory when her hands are tied down – but I’m trusting God that as soon as her hands are tested and given some freedom that they behave and don’t pull out the million pipes, and that she’ll be able to communicate. Always good to have high expectations I’ve been told :)

 

But that aside…I ask God for the discipline of consistency, consistency, consistency…as that’s what this is all about.

My Challenge

Some days I am really overwhelmed...with everything. I know I should be doing so many different things with Katelyn, and when I find myself not focusing on her like I should be (I'm not expecting to be focused on her every second, but at least every second or third!) I get really frustrated. It doesn't take alot to get the games and exercises done, but it does require intentionality a couple of times a day. So I'm going to be putting together a routine for myself, to squeeze in those 15min sessions a few times a day in a way that hopefully one day becomes natural. I know this will be a fluid process and I'll figure out along the way what works best for me, but I have to start somewhere. So watch this space...

Praise God that on those days when I feel like its too much to take on, I look at the 7.5kg bundle on my lap, or rolling around on the floor next to me and am reminded of not only how adorable she is, but what a special gift she's been to us. We're being changed because of her.

Here's just some of that cuteness...

Easter Milestones

We had a wonderful week break over Easter and escaped to honestly one of the most beautiful spots in the world. Hosting special friends; family time; rain, sun, wind...

A week before we left, Katelyn had started showing signs of actually being strong enough to sit on her own, but wouldn't last longer than 10seconds or so, but I knew it was FINALLY starting to come. While we were away, she literally became a sitting star! I think having another little toddler around helped - as kept her concentrating (she just loves to watch other kids!) and sitting for minutes and minutes. Sitting changes everything. Your perspective, allows you to follow everything happening around you, suddenly makes you want to interact with everything...and thats just what I've found. She's a totally different person. It's an incredible thing to witness and watch, someone who for a whole year has been lying on the floor struggling to push herself up and eventually rolling over, to someone who's sitting (and straight up I must add **so proud**) and taking in everything. Its another reminder to me, of the incredible the reward is of reaching a milestone...the first of many.